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Buffaloed 2019 -

“You’re insane,” said Officer Griswold, watching her count cash on a park bench.

Now, at twenty-six, Peg sat handcuffed to a radiator in a Buffalo Police substation, her leather jacket smelling like regret and stolen staplers. The charge was “aggravated mischief,” which was just a fancy way of saying she’d repossessed a motorcycle from a deadbeat who happened to be the nephew of a city councilman. The job had been clean. The paperwork had been forged beautifully. The problem, as always, was that Peg couldn’t resist the encore.

Her court-appointed lawyer was a man named Wozniak who smelled like bologna and hopelessness. “Plead guilty,” he said, not looking up from his phone. “Thirty days, community service. You’ll be out by spring.” buffaloed 2019

“Your Honor,” Peg began, “the motorcycle in question was purchased with funds stolen from my mother’s nursing home fund. I have bank statements, a sworn affidavit from a psychic who saw the whole thing, and a photograph of the defendant wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I ❤️ Fraud.’ The shirt is arguably the strongest evidence.”

“He owed me six hundred bucks,” Peg said. “I also took his grill. Lump charcoal included. That’s not mischief. That’s interest.” The job had been clean

Her new business card read: Beneath that, in smaller letters: We don’t get buffaloed. We are the buffalo.

She was ten. The mark was a hedge fund manager from Buffalo who’d parked his Tesla over two handicapped spots. Peg peeled the fake citation from her notebook, slapped it under his wiper, and watched him curse the sky for a full three minutes before driving off in a huff. Her mother, ever the accountant, had sighed. “That’s fraud, peanut.” Her court-appointed lawyer was a man named Wozniak

She represented herself. That was the first mistake everyone made, assuming Peg Dahl needed help. She stood before the judge—a weary woman named Castellano who’d seen three generations of Dahls pass through her courtroom—and laid out her case with the manic precision of a game show host.

“You’re insane,” said Officer Griswold, watching her count cash on a park bench.

Now, at twenty-six, Peg sat handcuffed to a radiator in a Buffalo Police substation, her leather jacket smelling like regret and stolen staplers. The charge was “aggravated mischief,” which was just a fancy way of saying she’d repossessed a motorcycle from a deadbeat who happened to be the nephew of a city councilman. The job had been clean. The paperwork had been forged beautifully. The problem, as always, was that Peg couldn’t resist the encore.

Her court-appointed lawyer was a man named Wozniak who smelled like bologna and hopelessness. “Plead guilty,” he said, not looking up from his phone. “Thirty days, community service. You’ll be out by spring.”

“Your Honor,” Peg began, “the motorcycle in question was purchased with funds stolen from my mother’s nursing home fund. I have bank statements, a sworn affidavit from a psychic who saw the whole thing, and a photograph of the defendant wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I ❤️ Fraud.’ The shirt is arguably the strongest evidence.”

“He owed me six hundred bucks,” Peg said. “I also took his grill. Lump charcoal included. That’s not mischief. That’s interest.”

Her new business card read: Beneath that, in smaller letters: We don’t get buffaloed. We are the buffalo.

She was ten. The mark was a hedge fund manager from Buffalo who’d parked his Tesla over two handicapped spots. Peg peeled the fake citation from her notebook, slapped it under his wiper, and watched him curse the sky for a full three minutes before driving off in a huff. Her mother, ever the accountant, had sighed. “That’s fraud, peanut.”

She represented herself. That was the first mistake everyone made, assuming Peg Dahl needed help. She stood before the judge—a weary woman named Castellano who’d seen three generations of Dahls pass through her courtroom—and laid out her case with the manic precision of a game show host.