For Rilke, love is two solitudes protecting each other. It is not about merging or losing yourself. It is about two people standing so firmly in their own truth that they can look across the distance between them and say, “I see you.”
But it will give you something better: Permission.
Our world moves at the speed of a click. Rilke’s world moved at the speed of sap rising in a tree. He writes: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign tongue.” He tells Kappus that he is trying to answer questions too early. You cannot force the answers any more than you can force a tree to blossom in December. The task is not to find the solution tonight. The task is to live the question until you grow into the answer. cartas a un joven poeta rainer maria rilke
He isn't romanticizing misery. He is saying that the voice you need to listen to is the one that only speaks when you are alone.
What Rilke Knew About Loneliness (That We’ve Forgotten) For Rilke, love is two solitudes protecting each other
The young poet, Franz Xaver Kappus, was a 19-year-old military cadet. He felt trapped by uniforms, drills, and the suffocating expectations of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. He sent Rilke his poems, hoping for technical advice on rhyme or meter. Instead, Rilke performed a kind of surgery on his soul.
Rilke’s most famous advice is also his most radical: “If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches.” Our world moves at the speed of a click
He warns that young people usually throw themselves at each other to avoid facing their own loneliness. But that isn't love; that is distraction. Real love is difficult. It asks you to become a whole person first.