How young I was. How monstrously, magnificently young.
What do I see? Not a queen. Not a monster. Just a woman who loved her husband so much she unlearned every soft thing she was born with. And for what? He is a tyrant now, and he does not even look at me. He sends for the doctor, not for his wife. He plans his battles, not our future. I have become a footnote in my own catastrophe.
They will remember me as the villain. The witch-queen. The dark mother of murder. But I will tell you the truth: I was afraid. I was so afraid of being small, of being powerless, of being the woman who watches her husband fail and says nothing. So I became the storm. And the storm has swallowed me whole. Lady Macbeth
Give me the light. Give me the dark. Give me back the woman I killed to become this hollow, walking ghost.
Here is my candle. Here is my gown. Here is the stain that will not wash out. And here is the end, approaching like a gentle sleep—or like a blade. I no longer know the difference. How young I was
But I? I am awake. I am always awake now.
At first, I did not know. The doctor is too afraid to tell me, but I know now. I walk the corridors of this castle—this gilded tomb —with a candle, because I am terrified of the dark. I, who once summoned night to cloak my dagger. I, who laughed at the owl’s scream and the cricket’s cry. Now I cannot bear a shadow. I scrub my hands in my sleep. I see the spots of blood that are not there. I say the words I swore I would never say again: “Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?” Not a queen
But somewhere in those long nights, something inside me began to… change. It started as a scent. Blood. Not on my hands—we had washed them a thousand times—but behind my skin. Under my fingernails. In the back of my throat. I would wake at three in the morning, certain I could taste copper and iron and old, rusted regret. I stopped sleeping. Or rather, I stopped dreaming . My dreams had become a locked room, and I had thrown away the key.