The music was slowed down by 700%. It sounded like a lullaby being eaten by a whale. The character select screen showed everyone —not just Mario, Peach, Bowser. It showed obscure NPCs from Super Mario Sunshine. It showed Waluigi’s third cousin, "Walugio." It showed a blank silhouette labeled "The 1993 Live-Action Movie Mario."
But Kevin noticed one thing. In his stats menu, under "Total Races Completed," there was a new entry: Mario Kart 8 Deluxe -0100152000022800--v1245184...
Kevin reached for the A button. Then he saw the second line below it. The music was slowed down by 700%
[Missing String: kart_boost_failure] [Missing String: lakitu_respawn_negative_one] [Missing String: please_stop_playing_this_version] under "Total Races Completed