There's only what prints back when no one is watching.
I checked the print spooler. The job wasn't spooling. It was uploading. 144 bytes at a time. To an IP that resolved to a decommissioned satellite uplink in the Pacific. usbprint canondevicef144
USBPRINT\CANONDEVICEF144 — not a standard Canon model number. Not a driver hash. Not a serial. There's only what prints back when no one is watching